When you’re a book lover people always ask what your favorite book is. That is
such a hard question. I have many
favorite books. Trying to pick just one
depends on my mood, the time of the month, what genre I’ve just finished
reading, moon cycles and the color of my hair (it's currently purple and green).
Trying to pick a favorite author can be just as hard. However, ask me to name my favorite series
and I’ll tell you hands down it’s the Valdemar series by Mercedes Lackey. This meme has made the rounds on Facebook
several times and my answer always surprises even people who know me well.
Given this choice I’m packing a bag and
taking that red pill, I’ll be gone in less than 15 minutes. Where’s my companion? Because I’m absolutely sure in my heart and
soul that I’m a Herald of Valdemar.
There are currently 35 books in this
series (#36 comes out 7/9/19) and several books of short stories, and it’s
broken down into multiple series within the series. The Vows and Honor series was my first
experience with fantasy written for adults.
I was a preteen, probably 12. My
Dad used to take us to the book store every month and buy my two siblings and
myself each one new book. I’ve always
been an advanced reader and I remember that I had grown bored with the books
that I had been reading because their themes were too childish. Dad very patiently helped me find a book that
he thought I would like. It was The Oathbound
by Mercedes Lackey. I devoured it. I can’t remember exactly how long it took me
to read it, but I’m pretty sure I was done reading it that weekend. So I read
it in a day, two tops.
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| My original copy of The Oathbound |
Every month after
that I picked another Valdemar book during our monthly trips to the bookstore. This was around 1993, so there were quite a
few Valdemar books already published at this point. I remember getting caught up and realizing I
was going to have to wait for more Valdemar books to be published. It was devastating! But then I started rereading them and
branching out to other fantasy authors.
Valdemar is always where I turn when real
life is extra hard. My parents were
divorced when I was young. Around the
time that I discovered Valdemar I was also being abused by my stepfather (this
was my mother’s second husband, and not the wonderful stepfather that I have
now). I don’t talk about it much. The abuse was mainly emotional, so it’s hard
to talk about because a lot of people still don’t recognize it as abuse. However, it’s just as damaging as physical
abuse. He hated me, and I still don’t
know why. I’m not going to go into a lot
of specifics, it doesn’t really matter now.
But not a single day would go by without him telling me how worthless I
was. He would scream at me, right up in
my face, about minor and imaginary infractions.
In public, or at home, where we were didn’t matter to him. No matter what I did, it was never
right. My mother worked as an RN, and so
she frequently wasn’t home until dinner time.
I was the oldest so one of my jobs after school (this was before I was
homeschooled) was to watch my brother and sister and start dinner. Most days when we got home the door to the
house would be locked because he was napping.
Our Grandmother had an attached in-law apartment so we would go to her
house instead, or just stay outside because he would get mad at us for
bothering Grandma. Many times when he
woke up and realized that we were at her house he would come over and scream at
us and it upset her, so I learned to just stay outside, or make sure we were
back outside by the time he woke up. There
would be a list of chores that we were supposed to do after school on our
kitchen table, but of course we couldn’t do them because he was sleeping. So there was always hell to pay for not
getting those done.
He walked around naked, even when there
were people over. Ask my poor Aunt, he
took a particular pleasure in shocking people.
My sister and I didn’t have doors for our rooms and he would just walk
in, saying that it was his right because it was his house. Didn’t matter if we were changing, he would
just say “he’d seen it all before”. As a
girl going through puberty this was particularly distressing to me.
We
lived on an 80 acre farm, which was more than half woods, on a dirt road that
had grass growing down the middle.
I generally didn’t do my homework.
Why bother? Since I was worthless
and never going to amount to anything anyway I figured there was no point. So I spent many hours roaming the woods and
pastures, and hiding in the barn. He
would never come to the barn when the horses were in, he was afraid of the
horses and they really didn’t like him.
So I spent a lot of time sitting in a stall with my horse and
reading. Dreaming of a companion coming
to take me away to someplace where I wouldn’t be worthless.
As an adult I have mild depression and
moderate to severe anxiety. My therapist
says it’s never going to go away, but it can get better. The wounds have healed, but these are the scars that remain. I can’t handle other people’s
anger. I can be brought to tears by an
angry sounding voice. When I’m not alone I’m on high alert all the time, constantly monitoring the people around
me, waiting for someone to snap. It took
a long time, but I’ve learned how to deal with those scars. I now have a job that allows me to work from
home every other week. I have a husband
who is calm and kind; even when he’s angry he never raises his voice. My cats love me unconditionally, and are
always there to show me that I matter when I have a bad day. I know that I’m smart, capable and very much
not worthless. And my books still offer
me an escape when I need to get away from real life for a little while. The characters aren't perfect, and many of them have scars (both visible and invisible), and they are strong, they're like me. Books contain a powerful magic that helped me
become the person that I am today.
I didn’t tell you this story because I
want your pity. It’s quite the opposite
in fact. I feel that it’s important to
get these stories out there for others who are going through the same
thing. Emotional abuse is still abuse,
and it leaves scars. In some ways it’s
worse than the physical abuse, because the scars physical abuse leaves are
visible. My scars are invisible, but
they are still there.
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| The books took over my kitchen table when getting ready to take pictures for this post. |
Valdemar still holds a special place in my
heart. I reread the series all the time,
and snatch up new books as soon as they come out. When I took the photos for this post I
realized that I’m missing Magic’s Pawn.
I was distressed at first, but then remembered that I’ve been wanting
the omnibus edition with all 3 books in The Last Herald Mage Trilogy and now I
have an excuse to go buy it. I’ll
probably use this as an excuse to buy the omnibus edition of The Arrows Trilogy
and the Tarma and Kethry Series as well to be perfectly honest. If you’re a fan of sword and sorcery style
fantasy and haven’t read any Valdemar books don’t be intimidated by the number
of books in the series.
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| Valdemar |
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| Releases 7/9/19 |
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